How many times have you caught yourself thinking, “If only that person would change…”
“If only they wouldn’t do that, I wouldn’t get so angry.”
“If only the world were different, I would be at peace.”
It’s so easy to fall into this trap. We all have moments when we feel like the outside world is the problem. We believe that if everyone else, or everything else, were different, we would finally feel better, be happier, or be less triggered by the things that frustrate us. It’s the “If only” cycle—a never-ending loop where we put the blame on the outside world for our discomfort, our anger, and our pain.
I lived in this space for years, and it wasn’t until I truly stopped and examined my triggers that I began to understand something so profound: The problem wasn’t always them. The problem wasn’t the situation. The problem was me—and more specifically, the parts of myself that I hadn’t healed yet.
The Wake-Up Call: Realizing I Was the One Who Needed to Heal
I’ll never forget the first time I realized that I wasn’t just a victim of the world around me. I remember a situation that sparked an intense emotional reaction, something that would normally send me into a spiral of anger and frustration. But this time, I paused. I took a deep breath and asked myself, Why am I so triggered by this?
For years, I thought the problem lay in other people’s actions or the things happening around me. I blamed the world, my upbringing, and external circumstances for my pain. I hadn’t yet realized that it was the unhealed wounds within me that were driving my reactions. I was carrying old, unprocessed pain, and every time something or someone touched those raw spots, my defensive mechanisms would kick in. I would react as if the outside world was responsible for my inner turmoil.
The moment I understood this, everything began to shift. I had to accept the hard truth: the people around me were often just mirrors reflecting the parts of myself that needed healing. When I stopped blaming them and started looking inward, I began to understand that my emotional reactions were actually an invitation—an opportunity to uncover the parts of myself that still needed love, healing, and integration.
Healing the Triggers: From Reactivity to Empowerment
The first step in healing was confronting my triggers head-on. When something or someone upset me, instead of reacting impulsively, I learned to ask myself, What’s underneath this feeling? Was it an old wound from childhood? Was it tied to something I hadn’t fully processed from my past? By taking a step back and asking these questions, I started to recognize patterns in my responses.
It was a humbling experience, realizing that my pain wasn’t always about the situation—it was often about my internal state. When I began to heal those parts of myself, I noticed a change in how I reacted to the world. I became less defensive, less reactive, and more centered in my own peace.
Through this journey, I discovered the power of self-awareness—the ability to pause before reacting and consciously choose my response based on the present moment, rather than from a place of old, unhealed wounds. Healing isn’t about changing others; it’s about changing the way we relate to the world and ourselves.
Self-Reflection: Healing Starts with You
So, I ask you: When was the last time you reflected on your reactions? When something or someone triggers you, do you stop to consider why it’s affecting you so deeply? It’s easy to point the finger and blame others, but real change begins when we acknowledge that we are the ones who have the power to transform our emotional landscape. We have the power to shift our perception, to heal what’s hurting, and to choose how we respond.
Healing begins within. When we heal ourselves—our old wounds, our past trauma, our inner child—we stop projecting our pain onto the world around us. We stop making other people responsible for our emotional well-being, and we begin to take ownership of our reactions.
From Defensive to Empowered: The Power of Self-Responsibility
I’m not saying that the world doesn’t present challenges. It does. Life is messy, and people can sometimes be thoughtless or even cruel. But when we take responsibility for our own healing, we stop giving away our power to others. We stop living defensively, constantly on edge, waiting for the next person or situation to “trigger” us. Instead, we step into our own power—choosing how we respond, regardless of what’s going on around us.
When we shift from a reactive mindset to a proactive one, we stop waiting for “If only” to happen. We start healing ourselves first, and that changes everything. We no longer need to wait for the world to change in order to find peace. We create it from within.
A Journey of Healing and Transformation
I’ve walked this path—healing old wounds, unpacking layers of trauma, and learning to stop blaming the world for my emotional state. It wasn’t easy, and it didn’t happen overnight. But each small step toward self-awareness, self-compassion, and self-healing led me to greater freedom and inner peace. And it can lead you there too.
So, the next time you feel triggered, pause. Ask yourself: What am I being shown here? Instead of reacting in defense, take a moment to reflect. Look within and start the process of healing those old wounds. It’s not about waiting for the world to change—it’s about changing how you respond to the world, from a place of deep inner peace and self-empowerment.
Because when you heal yourself, everything around you shifts.
Intuitive Souls 